My blog.  My poor, neglected blog.  I miss my small space of self expression.  My blog is an extension of myself where I’m free and have little to no fear of retribution.  There is no other place quite like it.  The past few months have been so busy that I have had to put my blog, and in turn, a large portion of myself on the back burner.  And to be honest, I’m having a hard time with it.

Each day when I walk out my front door with my name tag and building ID in place, it symbolizes all of the aspects of myself I have to suppress.  No red lipstick or argyle tights.  No pettiskirt or boots.  All that lies ahead for the day is a life of conformity and continuous deadlines.  To be truthful, it all seems a little silly to me.  We’re all running around in a panic trying to meet self-imposed deadlines, and all for what?  Yes, life requires that we play grown-up roles when we have grown-up responsibilities.  But why do I feel like all creativity and individuality has to be suppressed in the name of conformity?

I was 18 when I started building the life I always imagined.  But at age 25, my dreams have changed and the key to the life I built at 18 is struggling to fit in the lock.  I no longer dream of being a high powered executive in an Italian satin suit.  Instead I dream of a life where I always have paint on my hands.  I dream of spending afternoons in introspection while writing a memoir.  Sometimes it is exhausting trying to force a key that was made with old dreams into a lock that is shaped by new.

That is why I feel like I owe it to myself to consider the possibility it might be time to rebuild.

posted by Olivia Singleton
Filed under: Uncategorized